a taste of what you paid for
by Ivory Muse
Summary: And let the sun rain down on me. (or, how Princess Azula crashes and burns.)
1. a taste of what you paid for

.i.

Zuko betrays her first.

He leaves Mai a good-bye scroll, even confronts Father during the eclipse. For his sister, who restored his honor, who let him share in her glory, he has nothing left to give.

{_Mai carries her letter around until it tears at the corners and Father doesn't ever trust her again and it's not as though she expected better from him and maybe if she keeps repeating that it'll be true._}

.ii.

Her 'friends' betray her second.

Zuko-Zuko-Zuko is always, always what it comes down to, because he might be an arrogant, petulant disgrace yet everybody choses him no matter how hard she tries. This time it's Mai who defies her orders- you miscalculated, she rasps, and it echoes through her head days afterwards. She loses control, comes a centimeter away from ending her worthless existence, but she underestimated foolish Ty Lee's distaste for conflict and doesn't realize her mistake until swift hands hit her pressure points and she crumbles.

{_Didn't they like her, a little bit?_}

.iii.

Father betrays her third.

Standing on the airship platform, she throws a spectacular tantrum, angrily protesting to deaf ears. He cares not if the comet was her idea, if he promised that they'd do this together, if she longs to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground because only that will quiet her heart. She has failed him too many times. _You can't treat me like __Zuko_, she spits out, but he can, because his mechanical girl is just as disposable once she begins to fly apart.

"_Azula_," he finally snaps, turning to face her- she bows her head and scrunches her eyes shut. "Listen to me. I need you here to watch over the homeland. It's a very important job that I can only entrust to you. And for your loyalty, I've decided to declare you the new Fire Lord."

So he bestows a hollow honor upon her and crowns himself the Phoenix King. She is a child, left alone as an afterthought to rule a war-torn nation without guidance or allies, while he goes on to better things.

_{She became the perfect daughter with blood and sweat but never tears, and she won't cry now, even though terror is imprinted on her ribcage._}

.iv.

Mother betrays her fourth.

She hasn't slept in days, she thinks- the blood red sky makes it impossible for her to tell one day from another. There's so much to be done to prepare, and since she banished everyone she has to do it all alone. Nobody can be trusted, she realizes- her own home is crawling with traitors. The servants try to choke her, won't scrub the bacteria off her feet. The guards move too slowly. The imperial firebenders are hopelessly incompetent. Lo and Li dare question her sanity.

She grins wildly, staring at her reflection- choppy, tattered bangs cover her face and purple shadows ring her eyes. A madwoman stares back.

"It's a shame. You always had such beautiful hair."

Her mother is near the doorway, looking on with pity in her gaze. Better Uncle with his gravelly lectures, the avatar delivering sermons about love and justice and things she will never comprehend, than her. "What are you doing here?" she spits out.

"I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation," comes the soft answer.

"Don't pretend to act proud," she scoffs. "I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster."

"I think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty Lee." _They were not my friends. If they were my friends, Ty Lee would be combing my hair right now, and Mai would make sarcastic remarks while keeping a lookout for assassins._

"But what choice do I have?" she demands, spinning around to hide her pooling tears. "Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me."

"No. I love you, Azula. I do."

She throws her hairbrush at the mirror- it shatters abruptly into a thousand glittering pieces. Only once she is alone does she sink to her knees and weep.

{_Azula always lies, but she learned from the best._}

.v.

She betrays herself last.

Chained to a grate. That's the sad little drama- Princess Azula, goddess incarnate, destined to go down in history, is chained to a grate, screaming and wailing and choking on her own flames. What a legacy!

Zuko, the final victim of her blitzkrieg, watches her like Mother, sad yet resolute- she's burned a hole straight through his chest, after all, and this is for the best. The water peasant who finally defeated her does not even look upon her pathetic figure, just ducks her head and clutches his arm. "Come on," she whispers, "you need to lie down. She's not going anywhere."

So this is what madness is, psychedelic colors whirling around her in a twisted kaleidoscope, power racing down her jagged chi. And she laughs, because the world is on fire, and all she can taste is ash.

_{What a legacy, indeed.}_


	2. give me a sign, i want to believe

_A/N: i originally wrote this poem, then i wanted to get into even more of azula's head and came up with a taste of what you paid for_. _but i've become oddly attached to my draft, so... bonus chapter._

* * *

._give me a sign, i want to believe._

finger c-a-u-g-h-t in a ribbon

and she's B*R*E*A*K*I*N*G*A*P*A*R*T

because today is her _coronation_

{_the day it all must be perfect- oh, wait, that's every day_}

.oOo.

s/h/i/n/y s/h/a/r/p scissors can make her **whole again**

|_PREPARE TO FACE YOUR DOOM, MAI TY LEE ZUKO MOTHER FATHER_|

a swift c-u-t and that's her s.a.n.i.t.y on the _ground_

t*i*c*k*l*i*n*g her feet

.oOo.

**her reflection taunts her**

t=a=t=t=e=r=e=d bangs meet h.o.l.l.o.w gaze meet d!e!r!a!n!g!e!d smile

purple shadows r/i/n/g eyes that see TOO MUCH

[_you can't escape monsters by staying awake_]

.oOo.

"such a_ shame_, you had such b^e^a^u^t^i^f^u^l hair"

_**AZULA **__**ALWAYS**__** LIES,**_ and she learned from the **_best_**

_what are you doing in my mirror, mama?_

it d.i.e.s in her throat

.oOo.

azula is a goddess

{_demanding tribute, exacting judgement with a flick of a hand_}

she can shoot l/i/g/h/t/n/i/n/g out of her fucking f-i-n-g-e-r-t-i-p-s

**and her mother questions her methods?**

.oOo.

_even you fear me_

{no, azula, i love you}

**and it kills her, ricochets through her**

_trust is for fools trust is for fools trust is for fools-_

.oOo.

a hairbrush t-h-r-o-w-n at the mirror

**and everybody shatters**

nothing \left/ but her f+r+e+n+z+i+e+d h~e~a~r~t~b~e~a~t

{_ashes, ashes, WE ALL FALL DOWN_}


End file.
